Skills for Saying No
Body Language: Stand tall, keep your head up and keep eye contact. Feel strong and equal. Believe in yourself.
Setting the Scene: Decide what you want beforehand, if possible. This helps you feel in control of the situation.
Speak personally: No, I don’t want to because...
No, I have a problem with that
No, I don’t feel ready
Be clear: You don’t need to give a reason. Use short clear statements, for example:
I feel uncomfortable about...
I am unhappy with...
It scares me when...
Stay with your statement:
Avoid being manipulated into giving further explanations. Avoid being side-tracked.
Try to see the situation from their point of view:
Don’t accuse them or blame them for anything, simply state your views and wishes. Acknowledge that you have heard what the other person has said, for example:
Yes, I hear what you are saying and I don’t want to...
Say something positive:
Begin by saying something positive to the other person, for example,
I really like you, and I enjoy spending time with you, and I don’t want to
Believe in Yourself:
Avoid: I should, I ought, I must
Replace with: I could, I want to, I can if I choose
In extreme situations where you are not being heard and your safety is under threat, you may need to walk away.
