FAQ

What kind of pressures are teenagers experiencing?

Girls say that they feel that they are expected to have a good reputation, but at the same time are under pressure from boys and from their peers to have sex. If your daughter becomes sexually active as a teenager, it can be more about pleasing their boyfriend than themselves.

Boys say that they feel under pressure from their peer group to appear macho and ready for sex at all times. This can lead to a situation where your son has sex before he is ready for it and may be unprepared or unaware as to how to protect himself.

I find it very difficult to discuss sex with my teenager. They refuse to speak to me if I try to bring it up. What can I do?

During the development of this campaign we asked teenagers to give advice to parents on talking to them about relationships and sex. They said:

Pick a time when there's no one else around, like in the car, or when there's no-one else at home.
Don't ask personal questions. It's ok to ask questions about "other people in the class", but not about ourselves or our friends. We'll tell you if we want to.
Don't talk about your own personal experiences. (boys were more likely to say this, girls sometimes liked hearing these stories from their mothers)
Just because we ask a question about something, don't assume that it means we are doing stuff we shouldn't be. Sometimes it’s just that people at school are talking about stuff and we don’t want to look stupid and clueless in front of them.
It’s better if you start talking to us about this stuff when we start getting curious and asking questions.

What can I say to encourage my teenager to wait until they are older before having sex for the first time?

It's better for your sexual health to wait until you are older. Teenagers who have sex at an early age are more likely to experience crisis pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.
It is against the law to have sex under age 17. It could lead to criminal charges being brought against you.
It's better for your emotional health to wait until you are older and in a secure relationship. Teenagers who had sex under age 17 are more likely to say later that they regretted it.
Having sex for the first time is a major step in life; something you will always remember. It's worth waiting for the right time and the right person.
Having sex does not prove anything. It does not prove that you are attractive or popular.
If someone really likes you, they will want you to be sure that you are ready before having sex for the first time and will not mind waiting until you are older.
If you do have sex, it’s important to use contraception, but even if you do, you may worry about you/ your girlfriend being pregnant or having an STI from time to time. Do you want this worry in your life?

What can I do if I am concerned that my teenager is sexually active?
The best thing to do is try to talk to them, though they may not be interested in listening. Show them this site and ensure that they are aware that they need to use contraception to protect themselves from pregnancy and STIs. If your teenager and their girlfriend/boyfriend are under 17, ensure that they are aware that they are breaking the law. Reassure the child that you are concerned because you love them and it is your responsibility to look after them and protect them.

My son/daughter is in a steady relationship and has asked if his/her boy/girlfriend can stay over for a night. Is that o.k.?
That is up to you. It is your home and your rules. However, remember it is illegal for sexual activity under 17 years.

I think my child is gay/lesbian, is there anywhere I can go for advice and support?
This organisation supports parents who have lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender children: www.lovingouroutkids.org

Is it common for teenagers to look at pornography on the internet?
In an Irish survey of 863 children aged between 9 and 16 years, about 33% of children reported visiting pornographic websites accidentally and 20% have visited these websites on purpose. Of those children who saw a pornographic website, 33% ignored it; 45% told their friends about it and less than 10% told their mother or father about it. If you are concerned about your child looking at pornographic material, you can install a net nanny, ensure the computer is in a family room and supervise them while they are on the internet.

Should I be concerned if my teenager looks at pornography?
There is very little research into the effects of pornography on teenagers. However, when boys are asked about their sex education they say that they would like more information on the mechanics of sex. Anecdotal research would suggest that boys look at porn to find out about how sex works. This could potentially give boys an incorrect sense of what sex "should" be like. It could also lead to them to expect girls in their peer group to behave in a similiar manner to a girl in a pornography film.

Can other people look at my teenager's social networking site?
Although teenagers can choose to have a private setting on their page, this does not mean that it is private in any real sense of the word. It might be useful for you to sit down with them and put their name in to a search engine to see if their page comes up. They might be surprised that it is so easy for people to find their page. Ask them to think about other members of the family, neighbours or teachers reading their page. Anyone who knows their name can find out information that they might prefer to keep private. For tips and advice visit www.webwise.ie.

Parentline has contributed to the advice given above. If you have concerns and would like to speak to another parnet, call Parentline on 1890 927277.